Fall is fading into winter and its leaving me with that heater on, sweat shirt wearing, cold kitchen tile kind of being stuck in my own thoughts. Which is probably good. I've been mega distracted lately and rarely stop to notice.
If that paragraph didn't make any sense, see if this song helps. Its overflowing with my current mood. . .
I've probably posted this poem way too many times by now, but it hits the spot pretty often.
SELF PORTRAIT
It doesn't interest me if there is one God or many gods. I want to know if you belong or feel abandoned. If you know despair or can see it in others. I want to know if you are prepared to live in the world with its harsh need to change you. If you can look back with firm eyes saying this is where I stand. I want to know if you know how to melt into that fierce heat of living falling toward the center of your longing. I want to know if you are willing to live, day by day, with the consequence of love and the bitter unwanted passion of your sure defeat.
I have heard, in that fierce embrace, even the gods speak of God.
I think I've been resisting writing about this subject because truthfully, I don't want to change up my current routine even though I'm often frustrated by it. That said, I'm just going to put it all out there. . .
I'm going to go to bed by 11:00 every night and going to wake up by 7:00 every morning. The ultimate goal is 10pm and 6am, but we'll start with some flexibility.
Secondly, Ayurveda has been on my mind a lot lately. I really want to live an ayurvedic lifestyle and I've been good about getting it going, just not so great at keeping it going. That's a pretty typical pattern for me, so alas, its something to transform. Weekend brunch is my biggest weakness, and this weekend was no exception. Tonight I did pretty good though. I finally broke out the bok choy and arugula (my favorite) + figs and peaches and heirloom tomatos. Tasty.
Mondays call for strength training and some hip hop class I haven't yet been to. I think dancing is extra good for me though. I'm going back to Wednesday night yoga, which means homework must get done on Tuesdays, after classes and before zumba. Then on weekends there's about four different yoga classes I want to go to. PLUS, I think I'm just going to tough it up and ride my bike to school everyday. That's a whole lot of physical activity, but things tend to be all or nothing with me. And its about time. I think if I don't kick my own ass right now, winter is going to be extra hard.
Finally, I hereby swear to the blog world that within the next week the following will be complete:
-Etsy store(s) will be up and running again. There's no good excuse for them not to be except photographing items, and I happen to like photography. I guess I forget this when its logiscial projects. -Finish setting up my iStock account. -Jami's logo/website -The last three photos for Nate's wall -Memorize my lines for Long Day's Journey Into Night -Set up Facebook page -Make a second committment board -Paint my chairs -Watch Dracula -See at least one play a week. This week it will be The Caretaker. -Brush up on my Shakespeare. I'm starting with Titus Andronicus.
In the next few weeks. . .
-Paint my kitchen -Register for The Art Weekend -Attempt my salt flats film project -Photo shoot with Erica and Turquoise Lovely -Update my entire Flickr presence
Whew! That's probably good for now. There is so much I want to do and yet I often get caught in these ruts where I don't feel inspired, just surviving it. I think the trick for me is to just keep recreating over and over again. I suppose its silly to think possibility will survive over time on its own. I know better than that.
And for the sake of this post not being ALL boring writing. . .
This is now my third year in theatre (combined) and the department is rockin' these days. I'm so proud to be there among such great teachers and students and productions. First and foremost, is the Bakkhai and it is a must see. Why? Because waking up early on a weekend to sit outside at Red Butte with coffee (or not with coffee) to experience a 2500 year old story done in a very creative way is rad to say the least. Secondly, it just about made me cry and not very many forms of entertainment do. Not even really sad movies. And I love to cry. Third, as far as gods go, it doesn't get much cooler than Dionysus. Just sayin'. . .
Something weird has happened to me in the last two weeks. I think for many years I was waiting for commitment and motivation to just happen to me and then always wondered what my problem was. So finally I just made a choice because I felt like it and suddenly the commitment came rushing in. That said, I'm going back to school to finish my design degree and I'm REALLY excited. This process I've busted through has been inspiring and has given me an opportunity to complete the past, and feel resolved about the "mistakes" I've made. Every time I think about it a favorite poem pops into my head : )
Ask Me by William Stafford
Some time when the river is ice ask me mistakes I have made. Ask me whether what I have done is my life. Others have come in their slow way into my thought, and some have tried to help or to hurt: ask me what difference their strongest love or hate has made.
I will listen to what you say. You and I can turn and look at the silent river and wait. We know the current is there, hidden; and there are comings and goings from miles away that hold the stillness exactly before us. What the river says, that is what I say.
Aside from the obnoxious teenagers and way too many people, last night SLC got to enjoy Bon Iver and Jenny Lewis. It was a splendid time once we could breathe and see. I attempted to document the experience as best I could with my little PowerShot. . .
FFFFOUND! is quickly becoming one of my favorite blogs/websites because I'm guaranteed to see something that will either inspire me or that I'll get a kick out of. Plus, more pictures, less reading ; )
I've been on blog hiatus the passed few weeks. Out of town, working a ton and there's been almost too much to process to write about anything. However, I just saw the preview for Away We Go, and its still tugging on my heart strings. John Krasinksi. . .life lessons. . .Alexi Murdoch. . .love. . .that freaking art work is epic. . .and Sam Mendes is possibly my favorite director of all time. Why have I not heard of this movie before now?
I think I have my 4th of July weekend cut out for me : )
I should be in bed considering I could barely open my eyes all day today. I was going to expand on what both of the following artistic endeavors are inspired by, but my computer is slow and I have another shoot in the morning.
So I'll just say this. . .
During one of my recent moves I found an old Care Bears coloring book. Either I'm a genius or a pack rat, cause its awesome and is going to function as a way to express my learned cynacism. Here is the first (it kinda sucks, or I'm just cynical). . .
On a more serious note, I'm in the process of uncovering my hidden commitments. It isn't pretty and I kind of wish I was already in the breakthrough stage, but alas, just being with it. . .
